I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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