I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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