You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
