Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
