i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
