Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
