we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
