You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
He felt like a one man threesome
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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