So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
