Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
