oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
