i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Randomize
