all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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