Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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