He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
