On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
