We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
