we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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