question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
