I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
