Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
