Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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