just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
