I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
whose parrot is this?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
