Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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