Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
