so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
