Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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