dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
where am i from again
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
