On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
