actually, I'm a sock model
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
