Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I look better un-naked...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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