we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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