chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
