New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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