He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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