Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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