he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
