Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
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