I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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