If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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