they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
And then he peed in my hair
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
