Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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