I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
