butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
