I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
