$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
