it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
