True but thats because hes a fetus.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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