3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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