Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
