I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
