Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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