I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
