he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I just found a bag of teeth...
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Randomize
