Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
