I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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