speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
