So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
