be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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