After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
