I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
