Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Drunk is not a location!
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
